It was a long journey. As a Swiss pagan, I was born into the Reformed Church by descent. In the following almost six decades, I lived through all church history in chaotic order:

Jesus People Movement style house church, Free Evangelical Church, Catholic boarding school, Quakers, Lutherans, Jews, charismatic church, apostolic network out of Word of Faith.

The last five years have been marked by deconstruction. What do I mean by this?

Almost all Christian denominations are qualitatively alike. They have criteria for belonging, more or less rigid requirements to stay in, and an almost identical image of God.

Personally, I believe that God has solved the problem of belonging, that it never existed in His worldview. Additionally, He is so much bigger than we can imagine.

Deconstruction for me involves expanding my image of God and deepening my relationship with Him.

For me, deconstruction does not necessarily mean losing my faith. I include my faith and transcend it at the same time.

Would you like help on your path of deconstruction? I will be happy to accompany you.

Did you know that the followers of Jesus in the first decades in Rome were called atheists? They were called atheists because they did not worship many gods, but only one God.

What do you see yourself as right now? Atheist, agnostic, post-evangelical? Is another religion appealing to you, or are you just beginning to ask questions about your own?

Is it more the church that is giving you trouble? The absoluteness of truth, the hierarchy, the relationship to women or gender? Is it doctrinal issues?

I can tell you what it was for me. I’m a thinker, and I ask questions. That was okay in my community as long as I accepted the answer I was given. I was also allowed to have my opinion as long as it was in line with the doctrine.

I recommend my book if you want to know more about me and how I made the journey from faith through knowledge to trust in chaos.

But the focus is not on me. I intend to understand your journey and accompany you when you encounter chaos or find the treasure behind it.

In principle, such a journey always looks very similar.

First, we are well integrated. Our needs are sufficiently met, even if we sometimes sacrifice something for belonging. The community, with its reinforcing certainty of belonging to something big, of being on the right side of history, makes up for it.

But questions and doubts arise now and then. Can it really be that simple? Are all these rules necessary? Is God really loving if he allows for hell and a devil? How can we be justified in excluding so many people when Jesus tells us to love our enemies?

At some point, these questions can no longer be explained with inconsistent doctrines. You set out on a journey. Many then jump from church to church. But since these hardly differ, this is not a solution eventually.

A dream develops, an ideal, far greater than a few external changes. What if God were much bigger, what if the church looked entirely different, what if the truth of the Bible were not exhausted in the interpretation of a single church, of a single pastor?

This journey is mapped out in the Bible. Again and again, the people of the Bible realize that what they thought was reality was merely a shadow.

The Letter to the Hebrews shows us that the shadows of the Old Testament have been replaced by the images of the New Testament. But images are not yet reality.

When we recognize reality, we have achieved a new integration. But soon, we realize that there must be more. Reality becomes a shadow again.

And so, God leads us closer and closer to His heart, not by following rules, but by growing.

I would be happy if you invested trust in me on this path.